Occasional complainers are folks who are unhappy about a particular situation and need to share with others how miserable they are. I will stress that everyone goes through a period of their lives where they feel like their power for change has been taken away and can relate to being in ‘complaint mode’ at one time or another.
The Consummate Complainer, however, is the person who consistently believes they do not have the power to create change themselves and practice a life-long habitual complaining attitude about every situation they’re in. We have all worked with one or another of these folks and most of us, quite frankly, grow weary of their mantra. Here are 3 ways to identify if someone you are working with is a consummate complainer.
- They believe if everyone else around them changed things would improve, but are unwilling to identify how they contribute negatively to the situation themselves.
- The consummate complainer needs to tell their story to as many people as possible, multiple times, and rarely to anyone who has the authority to change the situation or correct behaviour.
- The consummate complainer truly believes everyone else is wrong and they are right about the story they are telling.
Consummate complainers are often people who see the negative, imagine people are against them, and visualize the power of others to be stronger than their own. They play out the drama over and over again as though they are reliving it each time as a new sting directed at them personally. Every time they tell their story it grows in power within their mind and the complainer begins to feel victimized, especially if they gain sympathy or agreement.
Below is a list of things I wrote about back in January 2009 that might help you deal with the consummate complainer as a coworker in your office: (for the full post click here)
What A Co-Worker Can Do About A Complaining Employee
- Understand, people complain to folks who are willing to listen. This co-worker has come to you because they feel you’ll be a friendly listener. It’s your responsibility to tell them that while you understand they are upset, you truly believe it is the Leader in charge who needs to hear this for any change to occur.
- Cut the conversation as short as possible; don’t allow it to go on and on and on. Any excuse will do, your work deadline, your cell phone is ringing, you have a meeting in another office, just don’t allow it to drag you into the complaint abyss.
- Find a time when they’re not complaining and let them know that you have a difficult time with negative stories and need some positive ones to get you through the stressful chaos that is corporate or office life.
- Be a positive mentor willing to direct and coach a co-worker into solution-finding behaviour.
- Strike up co-worker relationships with other positive employees who will keep the healthy side of you fed. There is a great study by F. Gregory Ashby, Vivian V. Valentin and U.Turken from the UofCA in Santa Barbara/Stanford University that matches positive experience with productivity.
For more information on what you, the leader can do, there are strategies for you at the original post as well.
Looking for help dealing with employees who are difficult to lead, contact us at Strategic Sense.