You know who they are and they suck the wind right out of your sails, by the time they leave the room you are left depleted and feeling down. Energy is like that, it’s transferable and we humans are energy sponges, soaking up every ounce of energy coming our way. There are days when we wish we could be a mirror and reflect that energy right back at some people so they’d know what they do to us.
There is an old African Proverb that says, “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.” I firmly believe this, especially when it comes to complaining employees.
Don’t get me wrong, we have times in our lives when we’re blind-sided by more than we think we can handle and we begin to believe there are no solutions. A number of years ago multiple personal events combined with work stress pulled me right off the rails, and I know I was complaining. Thankfully, I did not stay down for long. I did affect others, however, so I removed myself from the situation for a time, gave myself a hip-check and returned with a better outlook and attitude. It’s on our own attitude where one needs to place focus!
As a leader, one of the most difficult people to deal with is the consummate complainer, the person on the team who is never happy, but does nothing about it other than spread the miserable story to others while trying to gain sympathy and a following. This can be quite disconcerting because they rarely share the problem with anyone who has the authority to change it, and they rarely bring a solution to the table.
Bad stories like to spread like wild-fire in a corporation. I witnessed a managerial comment misunderstood by an employee that flew from the 2nd floor to the 4th floor in 2.7 minutes! With various forms of social media and communication devices, it doesn’t take long for 50 people to hear one side and make a judgement call without the manager even knowing he/she had been misunderstood.
What A Leader Can Do About A Complaining Employee
If you have a consummate complainer on your team you need to stop them in their tracks! It’s especially difficult when you hear about all of their complaints as second-hand versions of their story rather than from the complainer, but you can approach the conversation by being considerate to all involved.
1. Never divulge the identity of the person who passed the information on to you, be discrete and considerate of their privacy and welcome their bringing it to your attention.
2. Find a private moment to discuss the “rumour” with the complaining employee and ask if what you heard is something they need your assistance with.
3. Thank the complaining employee for their candid conversation and ask them to come up with a solution to the problem. Then book a meeting by the next day to further discuss.
4. Be completely present in the meeting the next day and make it clear what (if any) of their solutions seem viable and worth looking into, explain clearly why the others will not work.
5. Be willing to mediate and coach the employee into a different tactic at work. Some complainers actually believe they’re not interesting unless they have a sad little story to tell.
6. Make it clear to the employee you are there to make their work experience the best it can be and their responsibility is to come to you first before going to another employee, as you are the one with the authority to affect change.
What A Co-Worker Can Do About A Complaining Employee
1. Understand, people complain to folks who are willing to listen. This co-worker has come to you because they feel you’ll be a friendly listener. It’s your responsibility to tell them that while you understand they are upset, you truly believe it is the Leader in charge who needs to hear this for any change to occur.
2. Cut the conversation as short as possible; don’t allow it to go on and on and on. Any excuse will do, your work deadline, your cell phone is ringing, you have a meeting in another office, just don’t allow it to drag you into the complaint abyss.
3. Find a time when they’re not complaining and let them know that you have a difficult time with negative stories and need some positive ones to get you through the stressful chaos that is corporate or office life.
4. Be a positive mentor willing to direct and coach a co-worker into solution-finding behaviour.
5. Strike up co-worker relationships with other positive employees who will keep the healthy side of you fed. There is a great study by F. Gregory Ashby, Vivian V. Valentin and U.Turken from the UofCA in Santa Barbara/Stanford University that matches positive experience with productivity.
You Know You’re A Complaining Employee if…
1. …You have shared the same story more than once in the same day, as though you were building a legal case in the media.
2. …The response you receive from people you are talking to is always silence. They tend to use words like, “I see.” and their eyes glaze over as they stare at you while you talk, true communication is bi-directional.
3. …Other employees see you coming and find a reason to suddenly be very busy and unavailable, every time you walk toward them.
4. …More than a few minutes in your day was spent using text messaging, MSN, Skype, Facebook, Twitter or any other communication medium to complain about your situation.
The reality is, positive people generate a far better work environment and are better contributors to a team and to the company. Your boss is there to help you solve problems, work with them and let them know you want to make it better. (If you have a horrible boss, lets save that for another blog post, or you can read a great book by Robert Sutton.)
Complainers, even if efficient, kill the productivity of the person to whom they are complaining. Talking to a co-worker about a problem in the company when that co-worker can do nothing to solve the problem is merely gossip. Talking to multiple co-workers all day about the problem is sending a negative virus through the organization and solves nothing. You can read about ‘The Black Magic of Rumour and Reputation” by David Masters for more on that.
If you need to share with a good friend to get something off your chest, then do so once and move on, unless you are contributing to the solution, you are part of the problem.
For more inspiration, see a wonderful post titled “10 Suggestions for Self-aware Leadership in 2009” by The Recovering Leader that has some wonderful suggestions for the upcoming year.
If you are looking for Leadership Training, Strategy or Plans of Action specialties in your organization, contact Strategic Sense Inc. at 403-201-8512.
Twitter us!
See our Facebook page!