I want to make a comment about society (and potential bias) in this blog. An incident recently hit WAY too close to home for me and I am trying to make sense of it. Bias is real, we all have it. We build assumptions around our biases, we define our reactions to events around bias, we draw conclusions and we make decisions all backed up with Bias.
I am trying, with no avail, to understand the bias of a few people in my home town based on something that happened to my mother, recently.
I am very fortunate to have a living and enthusiastic Mom and Dad I’m close to. While seniors, they still enjoy living in their own home and are active and fun to be with. My mom does struggle to get around like she used to and is a bit slower due to a rheumatic disease, but she manages amazingly well.
The other day she went to take care of two errands.
- Mail a letter
- Take in the mail at a neighbours’ house.
My folks belong to the era where you get to KNOW your neighbours, they know you and you take care of each other. Other neighbours on the street know my Mom as one of the sweetest and most giving people they know.
On her errand to mail the letter, my mother stepped off the curb, missed seeing the rise of pavement next to the curb and tripped. She then catapulted into the street landing hard on her side in the middle of a relatively busy road next to the Community College. Thankfully, she never broke any bones. Terrified, she was unable to get up off the road and struggled to lift her body from the pavement. What happend next has left us all shocked and astounded about the society in which we live.
A lovely little old lady struggled to get up off the road after having tripped and fallen and two cars thought it okay to whizz RIGHT BY HER LEAVING HER LAYING IN THE ROAD!
This leads me to wonder what they thought they saw and what they might have been thinking as they drove by:
- “Look at that drunken old lady in the middle of the day – disgusting!” (just drive by her and leave her to her own consequences)
- “Must be some homeless person, weird to see them in this neighbourhood.”
- “Ha, that old lady can’t even walk right.” (drive right by)
- “I should probably help, but I am already late, someone else will stop.”
- “I just don’t want to get involved.”
- “What if she has had a stroke, I don’t have time to wait for an ambulance and make a statement!”
Really, I can only guess at what they might have been thinking. But folks, that was MY mother out there lying on a road unable to get up. Shame on those drivers.
That little old lady is the most intelligent, compassionate and caring individual I have ever known. She is vital, thoughtful, taught me much of what I know about people, given her whole life to serve others and neither of those two cars that zoomed past her on that road cared enough to stop. Did she eventually get herself to safety? Yes, but without anyone’s help. Thank God she is only bruised physically, but she’s left deeply saddened at the lack of compassion and consideration that she is now aware surrounds her.
This week as you go about your business being leaders, employees, neighbours, and citizens, ask yourself what bias you might have as you judge others. Remember, compassion for humanity is what really makes the world go ‘round and try to imagine those unusual actions you see as actions of someone YOU love. Their story is theirs, not yours and they just might need a little help from you!
Ain’t that a bitch? It’s a real slap in the face to remember that we live in these times where no one cares. The other day I drove past a person that was pulled over, and looked like they were having car trouble. I’m not very useful with cars, I was running late, and I was moving pretty fast… would’ve caused an accident… but… those are all excuses. I suppose I was just preoccupied with where I’m going next. However, that person may have AAA, and they were certainly not in the middle of the road! I’m pretty sure I would’ve stopped to help.
You and your mother should know that while we are living in an overstimulated world, people are still pretty great for the most part. They may not get involved in your world… but the more people I meet, the more I’m reminded that people rock. I guess “If they knew her” they would’ve quickly stopped… but people don’t take the time for strangers as much.
I suppose in the least you should be glad that they weren’t thinking “LOL – What a gr8 Txt I jst got! Bttr rply-” and in a texting frenzy made things really bad. I’m really glad that they at least whizzed by, rather than hitting her. It’s also amazingly good luck that she only bruised, and didn’t break anything.
If she falls down anywhere where I am, I promise to stop and help!
Sorry to hear about that and glad your mom is okay. I think the biggest problem with our society is that people are afraid of what other people will think. It sounds dumb but it’s absolutely true. People think that if they are to help when someone really needs or to lend a helping hand makes them “losers” or look “stupid”.
Not sure why but it is what it is. Btw, Ori sent me here via Twitter 🙂
Thanks Ori,
You are certainly right, I have had a great opportunity to travel to many wonderful places with welcoming, caring and thoughtful individuals! I think compassion is not really lost, but it was a good reminder and lesson to do a self-check on my own biases and try to figure out how I respond to events around me. Self-protection, Fear, Apathy, Judgement calls, etc. You are also right about the blessing that my Mom got away without more serious consequences from the fall.
Split-second timing does not always allow for us to choose compassion – such as freeway driving. Cell phones have made a huge difference in never truly being stranded, and our instant hurry, rush and fast pace also comes with connection tools in many occasions so we can alert others of our situation.
As for not texting and driving, I am all for that!
Appreciate your reading the post!
Best,
Patti
It is great she is well and fine (and perhaps a little bit shy about this kind of attention).
The Post really is about highlighting a self-check in our own biases – something we can get too busy to do. As for embarrassment in stopping, perhaps – that I think is the best thing about getting over 40 – I make very few decisions based on what I might look at. Peter Drucker would tell us to simply do what is right! It can boil right down to just doing what is right, regardless of your hurry! I do appreciate your popping by, Mike! Glad Ori sent it out, nice to ‘meet’ you!
Best,
Patti
Here’s a though, perhaps more generous than it should be. It wasn’t clear from your description whether those cars just drove by, or had to actually swerve to avoid hitting her.
If they just drove by, and didn’t need to adjust their driving in any way, what might have happened is that they literally didn’t see her.
When I went through Emergency Vehicle Operator Training (I was a paramedic for years) one of the things that astounded me was how little information people take in when driving. I was trained to constantly watch the road and look for potential hazards, and yet when I drive with other people, I’m sometimes astounded and what people simply don’t see because they are on automatic pilot and aren’t trained to really look.
In one training exercise, we saw how few people we able to spot pedestrians on the side of the road, much less someone lying down horizontal on the ground.
Thank goodness your mother wasn’t hurt. I think that the real tragedy isn’t the lack of compassion, but really the lack of awareness and paying attention to what’s right in front of you when steering nearly a ton of metal at insane speeds.
Of course, if they did have to swerve around her, then my entire post is useless. Then I have no idea what might’ve happened. Sigh..
Mark,
You raise a very good point – to be honest, I had not thought of the swerve, or that someone would actually miss a woman lying in the middle of the road. Perhaps that explains some of the news articles we hear of hitchhikers on highways being hit and drivers not knowing? I have also come to the conclusion, from your note that I would make a rather poor investigator in taking statements for I did not even ask if they had to swerve. When next I speak with my mother I will ask.
We are so very fortunate she is well, was not hit and that she got to safety without any broken bones, we certainly are blessed.
Thank you for adding some insight I was not aware of. I drive very carefully, at least I think I do… your comment will definitely rest with me as I sit behind the wheel and practice paying attention!
Best,
Patti
Yoiks!
SO, so glad your mom is okay.. probably most astounded at the fact that no one helped her.
I had a similar experience in Calgary a few years ago.. While walking across 7th ave. downtown I caught the toe of my shoe on the c-train tracks and went flying! I hit the ground.. very hard – before I knew it. This was at 4:30ish, very busy, when in a city of a million people there were many heading home. The crosswalk was full!! My shoes went flying and I looked up for a moment to get my bearings ……I remember a younger man ( probably in his 30’s) looking down at me — straight into my eyes –and never offered to help..didn’t say a word… He kept going.. so did everyone else. I hobbled across the street and a sweet ‘little old lady’ who had seen this, but was nowhere near and obviously not physically capable of helping me, was the only one who asked me if I was okay.. I thanked her and mumbled something about being a “tough bird” and continued on.. I had slammed both knees into the pavement and was in real pain while hobbling to catch a c-train.. as I hobbled on I became MOST upset by the fact that no one had helped me get up… by the time I was sitting on the train I was near tears. And I began to wonder about the bias of the people who had passed me by – you make an excellent point about re-examining our own biases. I wondered if people were thinking that I was a homeless person, or drunk or whatever. The more I pondered the more upset I became… Why would a homeless person deserve no less help than anyone? Even if I had been drinking, should I be left in the middle of the c-train tracks? I was upset about THAT more than the pain for weeks after!!! I get that people are sometimes afraid to help for any number of reasons, but honestly I can’t imagine no one stopping to see if your mom was okay. How threatening could she have looked for heaven’s sake!!! I also think people often assume someone else will surely help??
True, they really COULD have not seen her .. I too think I am a relatively good driver but I have been surprised by what I didn’t see when someone points it out. So I try to scan quickly around me..
I still believe there are good people out there..but it is disheartening to think that it is now unusual and out of the ordinary for people to help..instead of being the norm..
Sending lots of good thoughts in your mother’s direction…
Patti,
I’m glad to hear your Mom’s OK and that she didn’t have any broken bones. I’m a bit convicted. I would like to think I would have stopped. I want to be the kind of person who would.
But we can only make the world better one person at a time. We must make sure we stop. We can’t shame others into doing it. Being willing to sacrifice for others, be interrupted by others, and slow down for others is what makes a great leader. It’s hard to remember that every interruption in my own personal schedule is an opportunity for me to demonstrate the grace of an unhurried life.
Now if I could just do it…
Lor,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sorry for your fall. I only hope that I would be a person not afraid to get involved or reach out a hand to help. Thanks also for the wishes for my mom, she is doing very well.
Best,
Patti
Patti — oh wow, that’s so unfortunate that they zoomed right by her…especially being neighbors.
Let’s hope it was a matter of them not seeing her vs. not wanting to get involved.
I know I’ve seen people on the side of the road dealing with tires and stuff and though I’ve often thought of stopping I haven’t (fear or being in a rush to get to the next place).
I’ve never seen someone just lying in the road and in that case I know I would stop to see if I could lend a hand.
Mike,
I agree, it was such a wake-up call for me to consider who I am in the face of situations like that of my mom, what if it were not MY Mother, but anyone else, a perfect stranger? Do I have a bias or am I too busy to reach out to others, am I considerate of humanity. I would like to think I would stop, also. We never really know until we are in such a situation how we will respond, we always hope the best in us will emerge. I share this story to ponder a better me, to offer a story for others to ponder who they are to those around them and perhaps set a course for a direction I might not otherwise have taken.
Great leaders do consider every interruption as an opportunity to demonstrate grace. I hope in some way I am changed and this is a trigger for me to do just that!
Again, thank you,
Patti